Home
Over the last decade I have traveled like a gypsy. But each place I would go, I knew how to make it "home". Wherever I was at the moment, I was present even if it was a chaotic mess. The thought was thrown around that once I moved to Charlotte that a natural disaster would happen out of no where. I had a random thought after watching a program on the history of earthquakes on the east coast. Although it was highly improbable, I figured an earthquake would occur. Not too long after moving in, the east coast experienced a rare earthquake with a hurricane following soon after.
In more senses than one, everything was shaken and changed. Although I have been traveling half my life, the following period of traveling would be probably the most interesting and strange turn of events. So many strange, unusual, and sometimes tragic experiences have come to pass. The best lesson learned was to enjoy the slow boring moments. When a person experiences a lot of commotion their sense of normal goes askew. I found myself twiddling my thumbs when nothing out of the ordinary would happen as I had grown so accustomed to something happening. Noticing this early on, I kept my inclination to tip the drama meter in control. There was this greater need to set life in the right direction. It has been incredibly boring but fruitful.
The oddest thing is that perspective and positive thinking propelled so much more in motion that it would have if I paid more attention to the frustrating things in life. It's hard but I will confess something after all the positivity and joking I have done in the past few weeks.
I have been absolutely scared out of my mind about everything. Absolutely everything. I've prepared for all the changes but it never gets you ready for when you have to finalize it all.
Does anyone ever really have it together or is it the few of us that learned how to project grace under fire?
Here's the thing. If I weren't jumping out of my comfort zone, there would be no positive changes. I wouldn't be moving forward. I wouldn't have met all the people I have met or reconnected with those that are dear to me. I had this theory about re-evaluating friendships. Prior to changing, patterns of friendships followed the lines of uneven and pratically toxic relationships. There was an unhealthy comfort zone. My common sense radar was off when I started making changes and I feel really terrible that people on the fringe of my personal hurricane got sucked in and spat back out. Yet they say with bridges burned, you find other paths. People move on as they should.
Ok. Theory is, once you make a life change for the better that you have to change your comfort zone in friends. The test in this theory is meeting new people that have different personality types than you are used to, are going in the same productive direction as you, and have been where you want to go will inevitably exchange an enriching experience with you. The idea is that in your social circle there's a give and take of everyone's best qualities as well as the right kind of friendship to keep each other in line/on the right path. I used to hate this theory because it sounded as if people were using each other. Today, each time I interact with new people, I get this completely different energy when we bounce ideas off each other, just randomly chat about things, and make some pretty cool memories together. I realize now that I only thought it was using people due to my previous uneven friendships. Like all good relationships of any type, there's an exchange instead of one person taking advantage of the other person. Learning to "take" was nearly impossible for me so I always gave. Primarly being the giving friend always leads someone to only find people that take. But when you view things as recieving a gift from a dear friend because they care, that makes all the difference. That warmth extends and is not only returned to the sender but extends to others. Genuine heartfelt acts don't have any sort of payment or reward, they have a radiating contagious effect on everyone surrounding.
I wasn't sure when I would be ready to blog as this whole transitional period feels like a broken record on repeat. As I am gathering my things, my life, and clearing the pathway towards my future, I am realizing just how many of the walls I have broken down in this process. This time in my life where I am travling uncharted territory, it has been completely 100% enriching. There is a point where you look at the mess of it all and realize just how completely beautiful that mess is.
I am absolutely out of my comfort zone. My walls are all broken down. I've already had my days of weepy moments of saying goodbye then realizing that I'll more than likely be around again. I can say without a flinch or hesitation, a piece of my heart will always be in my hometown that I am going back to in the next few days. I can also say there's a part of my soul in Charlotte. It is where I truly discovered my personal abilities in art and expression. There was a wide open space where no one knew me and would take what I gave at face value. There was no good old boy system so everything offered to me was based on merit, commitment, and absolute faith in what I had to offer. That was exactly what I spent all my earlier years searching for. That whole experience was something I needed in order to grow and have more confidence with this personal path I have been taking. Whatever it was I chose to do wasn't just for money even if that is a bit down on the top priorities of living a decent life. Each decision was difficult of what I was giving up due to completely listening to my heart. It has been worth it. It has been absolutely amazing. I know I will continue to travel here and there. But my homebase will be a little different. Where things have been going, they will continue to do so no matter where I am claiming as my residence. During this transition, I am not searching for a home but I am certain that where I am going, it will be.
Home.
Sincerely,
Gen
Over the last decade I have traveled like a gypsy. But each place I would go, I knew how to make it "home". Wherever I was at the moment, I was present even if it was a chaotic mess. The thought was thrown around that once I moved to Charlotte that a natural disaster would happen out of no where. I had a random thought after watching a program on the history of earthquakes on the east coast. Although it was highly improbable, I figured an earthquake would occur. Not too long after moving in, the east coast experienced a rare earthquake with a hurricane following soon after.
In more senses than one, everything was shaken and changed. Although I have been traveling half my life, the following period of traveling would be probably the most interesting and strange turn of events. So many strange, unusual, and sometimes tragic experiences have come to pass. The best lesson learned was to enjoy the slow boring moments. When a person experiences a lot of commotion their sense of normal goes askew. I found myself twiddling my thumbs when nothing out of the ordinary would happen as I had grown so accustomed to something happening. Noticing this early on, I kept my inclination to tip the drama meter in control. There was this greater need to set life in the right direction. It has been incredibly boring but fruitful.
The oddest thing is that perspective and positive thinking propelled so much more in motion that it would have if I paid more attention to the frustrating things in life. It's hard but I will confess something after all the positivity and joking I have done in the past few weeks.
I have been absolutely scared out of my mind about everything. Absolutely everything. I've prepared for all the changes but it never gets you ready for when you have to finalize it all.
Does anyone ever really have it together or is it the few of us that learned how to project grace under fire?
Here's the thing. If I weren't jumping out of my comfort zone, there would be no positive changes. I wouldn't be moving forward. I wouldn't have met all the people I have met or reconnected with those that are dear to me. I had this theory about re-evaluating friendships. Prior to changing, patterns of friendships followed the lines of uneven and pratically toxic relationships. There was an unhealthy comfort zone. My common sense radar was off when I started making changes and I feel really terrible that people on the fringe of my personal hurricane got sucked in and spat back out. Yet they say with bridges burned, you find other paths. People move on as they should.
Ok. Theory is, once you make a life change for the better that you have to change your comfort zone in friends. The test in this theory is meeting new people that have different personality types than you are used to, are going in the same productive direction as you, and have been where you want to go will inevitably exchange an enriching experience with you. The idea is that in your social circle there's a give and take of everyone's best qualities as well as the right kind of friendship to keep each other in line/on the right path. I used to hate this theory because it sounded as if people were using each other. Today, each time I interact with new people, I get this completely different energy when we bounce ideas off each other, just randomly chat about things, and make some pretty cool memories together. I realize now that I only thought it was using people due to my previous uneven friendships. Like all good relationships of any type, there's an exchange instead of one person taking advantage of the other person. Learning to "take" was nearly impossible for me so I always gave. Primarly being the giving friend always leads someone to only find people that take. But when you view things as recieving a gift from a dear friend because they care, that makes all the difference. That warmth extends and is not only returned to the sender but extends to others. Genuine heartfelt acts don't have any sort of payment or reward, they have a radiating contagious effect on everyone surrounding.
I wasn't sure when I would be ready to blog as this whole transitional period feels like a broken record on repeat. As I am gathering my things, my life, and clearing the pathway towards my future, I am realizing just how many of the walls I have broken down in this process. This time in my life where I am travling uncharted territory, it has been completely 100% enriching. There is a point where you look at the mess of it all and realize just how completely beautiful that mess is.
I am absolutely out of my comfort zone. My walls are all broken down. I've already had my days of weepy moments of saying goodbye then realizing that I'll more than likely be around again. I can say without a flinch or hesitation, a piece of my heart will always be in my hometown that I am going back to in the next few days. I can also say there's a part of my soul in Charlotte. It is where I truly discovered my personal abilities in art and expression. There was a wide open space where no one knew me and would take what I gave at face value. There was no good old boy system so everything offered to me was based on merit, commitment, and absolute faith in what I had to offer. That was exactly what I spent all my earlier years searching for. That whole experience was something I needed in order to grow and have more confidence with this personal path I have been taking. Whatever it was I chose to do wasn't just for money even if that is a bit down on the top priorities of living a decent life. Each decision was difficult of what I was giving up due to completely listening to my heart. It has been worth it. It has been absolutely amazing. I know I will continue to travel here and there. But my homebase will be a little different. Where things have been going, they will continue to do so no matter where I am claiming as my residence. During this transition, I am not searching for a home but I am certain that where I am going, it will be.
Home.
Sincerely,
Gen
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