Happy Chinese New Year! "Gung Hey Fat Choy" which means "Wishing You Prosperity and Wealth"
It feels like I could very nearly break the repeat button while listening to the song For Good from Wicked. There's this tendency to be cynical, disillusioned, and sarcastic. Yet after dealing with so much hardship for most my life I can't help but just let the sappiness happen. I cannot tell you just how absolutely moved I was and close to weeping like a small child when I went to see the musical with a dear old friend. It wasn't just the wine talking when I leaned over and said, "Oh man, I need a hug after that." It was silly and there was so much laughter shared but also that quiet amazement of things being so awesome.
That night was one new memory after another that etched in my heart just how important good people are in your life. Even the friends that weren't with us that were friends back then, they were in our hearts and minds as we reminisced of such great times together. We talked of all the new people in our lives now and how amazing they are. There is just so much bad in the world bringing others down so why not share these amazing things and hope this good spreads to others? I truly hope it does and genuinely get so ecstatic hearing wonderful news from others. I had experienced so much loss and tragedy that it just is such a welcome change to feel happiness, achievement, and the warmth from wonderful people.
The past few years I had a little bit of trouble making each Chinese New Year happen smoothly. I couldn't quite get the hang of the evening before clearing the house and my life of the past. This year is so far the smoothest transition yet into the new year. For a while I have been preparing for a new life and had spent the difficult time letting go of all the things I need to let go of. Make peace with the past and make room for the future.
Recently there had been so many firsts that in my 30 years of living, I am surprised to experience. These things I could not have experienced without the support and encouragement of the genuine lovely people that were there for me during one of the roughest times in my life. The result of it was the first time I really experienced being involved in an art exhibit which also resulted in teaching opportunities. For the next few months, I went solo to see what I was made of and just be on my own. I needed the space to grow and learn. I needed to make some big changes that were well overdue.
First of all, I need to be completely honest. There were a lot of really terrible times and seemingly endless growing pains. There were a lot of things I needed to face and handle. There was so much I had to carry out while raising my kids that were such a fine balance of what they could and couldn't handle witnessing. Something unfortunate happened that was thrown in all of our faces but I think I did an ok job of handling it after and setting a non-hypocritical and good example. This is the thing though, some people just deal with the demons they are comfortable with but I fully and whole heartedly believe that it's worth going outside of your comfort zone to make the changes you need to. It was exhausting, the road felt so long, and many times I wanted to give up. But you do make it through. The speech in Rocky Balboa where Rocky tells his son, I have had the same conversation with my daughter (and quietly with myself) a few times.
"When things got hard, you started looking for something to blame. Like a Big Shadow.
Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life.
But it ain’t how hard you hit; it’s about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward.
That’s how winning is done.
Now, if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you.
You’re better than that!"
On this new year, this new day, I hope to continue down this path I have been going. No matter how completely new and terrifying it had been (much like when you were a kid and you transition from one school to the next not knowing what is ahead) it has been worth it. It just feels so necessary to continue to remember where I came from, learn from my experiences and mistakes, and to give credit where credit is due to the people who have helped propel me with where I am going in my life now. I don't forget the "little guys" because you are absolutely huge of an influence on me. More so than all the rough things in my life, you've shined brighter than the darkest of my days. And as many times as I keep saying this, I never feel like I express my gratitude enough.
"I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good"
Thank you and all the best in this new year!
Sincerely,
Gen
It feels like I could very nearly break the repeat button while listening to the song For Good from Wicked. There's this tendency to be cynical, disillusioned, and sarcastic. Yet after dealing with so much hardship for most my life I can't help but just let the sappiness happen. I cannot tell you just how absolutely moved I was and close to weeping like a small child when I went to see the musical with a dear old friend. It wasn't just the wine talking when I leaned over and said, "Oh man, I need a hug after that." It was silly and there was so much laughter shared but also that quiet amazement of things being so awesome.
That night was one new memory after another that etched in my heart just how important good people are in your life. Even the friends that weren't with us that were friends back then, they were in our hearts and minds as we reminisced of such great times together. We talked of all the new people in our lives now and how amazing they are. There is just so much bad in the world bringing others down so why not share these amazing things and hope this good spreads to others? I truly hope it does and genuinely get so ecstatic hearing wonderful news from others. I had experienced so much loss and tragedy that it just is such a welcome change to feel happiness, achievement, and the warmth from wonderful people.
The past few years I had a little bit of trouble making each Chinese New Year happen smoothly. I couldn't quite get the hang of the evening before clearing the house and my life of the past. This year is so far the smoothest transition yet into the new year. For a while I have been preparing for a new life and had spent the difficult time letting go of all the things I need to let go of. Make peace with the past and make room for the future.
Recently there had been so many firsts that in my 30 years of living, I am surprised to experience. These things I could not have experienced without the support and encouragement of the genuine lovely people that were there for me during one of the roughest times in my life. The result of it was the first time I really experienced being involved in an art exhibit which also resulted in teaching opportunities. For the next few months, I went solo to see what I was made of and just be on my own. I needed the space to grow and learn. I needed to make some big changes that were well overdue.
First of all, I need to be completely honest. There were a lot of really terrible times and seemingly endless growing pains. There were a lot of things I needed to face and handle. There was so much I had to carry out while raising my kids that were such a fine balance of what they could and couldn't handle witnessing. Something unfortunate happened that was thrown in all of our faces but I think I did an ok job of handling it after and setting a non-hypocritical and good example. This is the thing though, some people just deal with the demons they are comfortable with but I fully and whole heartedly believe that it's worth going outside of your comfort zone to make the changes you need to. It was exhausting, the road felt so long, and many times I wanted to give up. But you do make it through. The speech in Rocky Balboa where Rocky tells his son, I have had the same conversation with my daughter (and quietly with myself) a few times.
"When things got hard, you started looking for something to blame. Like a Big Shadow.
Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life.
But it ain’t how hard you hit; it’s about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward.
That’s how winning is done.
Now, if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you.
You’re better than that!"
On this new year, this new day, I hope to continue down this path I have been going. No matter how completely new and terrifying it had been (much like when you were a kid and you transition from one school to the next not knowing what is ahead) it has been worth it. It just feels so necessary to continue to remember where I came from, learn from my experiences and mistakes, and to give credit where credit is due to the people who have helped propel me with where I am going in my life now. I don't forget the "little guys" because you are absolutely huge of an influence on me. More so than all the rough things in my life, you've shined brighter than the darkest of my days. And as many times as I keep saying this, I never feel like I express my gratitude enough.
"I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good"
Thank you and all the best in this new year!
Sincerely,
Gen
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